MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE

What is it that grabs our attention? What keeps our attention? 

Can we choose where our attention goes?

I work with an autistic man who, among many of his obsessions, is obsessed with the concept of "rushing people". "Why is it not okay to rush people?" he asks ALL the time. My answers are usually versions of: rushing people can make them nervous or rushing people can cause people to not pay attention and make mistakes or get hurt. These answers inevitably lead to his next question, "Why is it important to pay attention?"

This question has led me down a huge rabbit hole. Not only is it important for the obvious reasons I tell him to pay attention; you'll get hit by a car, you'll lose your wallet, you'll miss your bus, etc. BUT it's equally important what we do NOT pay attention to.

With so much information, just waiting for us, by the push of a button, we can have almost any information we want immediately, or at the next stoplight. It's TMI, too much information, information overload. We can't stop ourselves from consuming the weather report for the weekend, the balance in our checking account, what celebrity got bangs, the multiple Halloween pictures of our ex-boyfriend's mother's new dog, we have the capability to access ALL of this information while listening to the newest NPR podcast, fixing our lipstick and simultaneously waiting for the light to turn green.

The attention that we're now giving to all this random information was once reserved for one to two activities at a time. The concept of multi-tasking was once thought of was a great skill, getting multiple things done at once, BUT research now shows that the brain is only capable of doing one to two things at a time. When we think we are multi tasking, we are actually switching our attention very quickly from one thing to the next and to the next and to the next and back to the first and so on.

I picture a completely overwhelmed kitchen chef, all his coworkers have called in sick and he's left alone in the kitchen filling all the multiple breakfast orders. He's cooking the eggs, while making toast while preparing hollandaise sauce while frying bacon and chopping vegetables. His attention is spread. He's "multitasking" switching quickly from one task to the next. His brain can not simultaneously pay attention to everything at once, resulting in burnt toast, runny eggs, extra extra crispy bacon and a sad chunky hollandaise sauce.

This is not a ploy for us to stop texting while driving or to make a great breakfast, but to show us that our attention is precious, and it's something we have control over, it just takes practice.

The fate of our world literally depends on what we pay attention to. Sounds dramatic, but think of the thoughts we have that we pay attention to. If we're ruminating on that guy that cut us off in traffic, we're going to be pissed off. If we're thinking about that time we went to Valleyfair and it was super nice and sunny and there were no lines and we ate THREE cheese on a sticks, we (or just me) are going to be happy.

Choosing our thoughts takes a lot of practice. With the massive amount of information out here, our minds are very selective and patterned based. We unconsciously select the thoughts that confirm what we have been conditioned to believe. Our minds pay attention to specific things based on our past experiences. For example, Jane is an attractive fit adult but was bullied as a child for being overweight. Jane's coworker asks her if she wants the last doughnut. Jane politely declines but immediately gets depressed. Her internal dialogue is thinking, consciously or not, "of course he offers the doughnut to the fat girl". Her attention is being controlled by a past that isn't real anymore.

We have to pay close attention to our feelings and be detectives of our minds to get to the root causes of these feelings. Once we find the cause of our negative thoughts and limiting beliefs, we have to interrupt these unconscious harmful behaviors with NEW positive thought patterns. Over time and practice our old thought patterns will fade away and we will create a new reality for ourselves.

Paying attention depends on being receptive so we can take in what is happening around us.  We need to be an empty space, minimal, NOT multitasking, not full of thoughts, not distracted, so our mind does not interpret what it sees based on what it believes. The goal here is to pay attention to how things are, and not react to our thoughts.

*Practice being present. 

*Be a detective of our minds and get to the bottom of the cause of our feelings. 

*Meditate and try to empty ourselves of thoughts.

*Eliminate distractions.

*Notice the limiting and negative beliefs we think are true.

*Use our imaginations to create the world we want to live in.

With love and attention,

-Katey

"We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world"

Buddha